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Series 1. 0 of Made In Chelsea, by Jim Shelley. Made In Chelsea was back for an incredible tenth series – without actually being incredible in any way.

On the contrary, E4’s ‘reality show’ was still defiantly inane, stuck somewhere between a celebration of West London’s idle rich and a savage satire without being either, or anything much. These days when every time a new season comes along, it remains doggedly unchanged – the British equivalent of Groundhog Day or a modern- day, posh, purgatory. Only not as good obviously…Scroll down for video Made In Chelsea was back for an incredible tenth series on Monday night – without actually being incredible in any way. Storylines about the various romantic relationships limply carried on from the ill- fated summer mini- series in LA – namely: Binky and JP, Jamie and Jess, plus the riveting developments between Sam and Lucy Watson’s sister Thingy which not even the other characters cared about.

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To say you ever ‘learn’ anything from Made In Chelsea would be not so much an exaggeration as madness. But here are 5 things we discovered from Episode One of (say it ain’t so) Series 1. Spencer is back. In a series where hunky lumps of wood like James and JP have become major characters (albeit with no actual character) and Lucy Watson’s dog and dad are now afforded airtime, Spencer is MIC’s equivalent of King Lear or at least its Free Willy (by which I mean he is made of blubber). Spencer is back! In a series where hunky lumps of wood like James and JP have become major characters (albeit with no actual character) and Lucy Watson’s dog and dad are now afforded airtime, Spencer is MIC’s equivalent of King Lear or at least its Free Willy (by which I mean he is made of blubber)You wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s actually interesting but he is arguably ego- crazed or unstable enough to make waves.

Admittedly his fashion sense is appalling – in this episode rocking his usual Big Country lumberjack checked shirts and the jumper- draped- over- the- shoulders look pioneered by Ken Barlow. And with his black beard, shades, and bushy quiff, he resembled a cross between Wham- era George Michael, Robert Downey Jn, and of course Brian Blessed. But he remains ostentatiously incorrigible, claiming that cheating on Lauren had given her ‘this whole new level of independence that was necessary’ (for him). The way he persists in tormenting his ‘best bud’ Jamie Laing is also still commendably mischievous/appalling, like a bored prince, poking a loyal serf with a stick.

His mission this time round? To ensure the new boy ‘hooks up’ with Jamie’s beloved Jess. Here’s hoping. With his black beard, shades, and bushy quiff, he resembled a cross between Wham- era George Michael, Robert Downey Jn, and of course Brian Blessed.

Ollie Locke is back and is not camp, no, not at all. We will pass over the quiet, modern, tragedy of someone who RETURNS to a Reality TV show like Made In Chelsea some five series after he escaped – the one thing that might be even more desperate than appearing in it in the first place. Compared to most of the vacant dummies that are on it these days, Ollie is a gentle soul and even quite ‘complicated’, at least sexually. He announced that this season he would mostly be interested in.. Watch The Haunted Mansion Streaming. Which was nice.. Best friend Binky suggested that with his sweater tied over his shoulders (much like Spencer) he did look ‘slightly camp’ (also like Spencer).‘Are you mad?!’ complained Ollie, positively screaming.

I think I look like Hugh Grant. I’m not camp !’The very idea..

Ollie Locke is back and is not camp, no, not at all! Compared to most of the vacant dummies that are on it these days, Ollie is a gentle soul and even quite ‘complicated’, at least sexually. He announced that this season he would mostly be interested in..

Which was nice.. 3. Watch The Little Troll Prince Online Metacritic. The new guy continues the MIC tradition of proving truly posh people have ridiculous names.

One of the (few) joys of Made In Chelsea is that it educates the rest of us povs in the peculiar ways of the truly posh. Their ridiculous names for example.. The previous nine series have featured the likes of Proudlock, Gabilicious, and Toff, which were not even their real names but names they adopted to fit in. Now we have a chap called Harney (real name Sam), whose family live in Kenya. As luck would have it, Harney was single and liked blondes.‘It would be bad of me to say ‘go and date Jess’ but it would be f**king hilarious !’ chortled Alex Mytton, relishing his friend Jamie’s discomfort.‘Are you looking for a girl for a relationship or are you looking for just a bit of fun?’ Jamie joined in, unwisely. Harney was looking for a bit of fun, obviously.

With Jess. 3. The new guy continues the MIC tradition of proving truly posh people have ridiculous names! Now we have a chap called Harney (real name Sam), whose family live in Kenya. As luck would have it, Harney was single and liked blondes. Binky and JP are well- suited: as dense as each other. Amazingly and unfortunately (for us as well as Binky), Binky and JP were STILL circling each other awkwardly, as they have been for two series now, including the fiasco in LA. JP had humiliated Binky in front of everyone (and on E4), prevaricating over whether he wanted to go out with Binky or stay friends, and then slept with her before dumping her on the grounds that she had been too damaged by previous boyfriends (Alex Mytton) to risk as his first girlfriend. Choice! Her friend little Louise Thompson was certainly appalled Binky was texting JP and wanted Binky to behave more like her much tougher (taller) friend Stephanie.‘Steph- ann- air got o- vair Josh sewwww quick- lair !’ Louise enthused to Rosie, trying to sound as posh as the other gals. I was honest- lair hay- may- zed !’‘I like cried for like a week,’ confided Stephanie, the group’s new guru, before revealing the philosophy that had helped her through. I was like ‘it wasn’t meant to be.

Like, if it was then, like, it would have been.’Pretty deep.. And hard to argue with. Binky and JP are well- suited: as dense as each other Amazingly and unfortunately (for us as well as Binky), Binky and JP were STILL circling each other awkwardly, as they have been for two series now, including the fiasco in LA‘You have to trust the universe and move on,’ she continued gnomically. Now I’m drinking coloured drinks like it’s my job!’Huh?! Binky wasn’t convinced though, mumbling: ‘Right now my gut instinct is saying this isn’t over.’Not to mention it was in the script…This set Louise off again, like a firework (albeit a little, orange, one).‘Binky was actual- air a one- night stand to him!’ she raged, before remembering that Binky was sitting there.

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He doesn’t like you enough to be in a relationship with you !’Break it to her gently..‘I don’t think you guys should date,’ Lucy ‘Lucy Watson’ Watson confirmed.‘But why?’ wondered Binky, blankly. Will you tell her or shall I? When they finally worked up the courage to speak to one another, JP admitted: ‘I feel that I owe you the biggest apology.’Her friend little Louise Thompson was certainly appalled Binky was texting JP and wanted Binky to behave more like her much tougher (taller) friend Stephanie. The stupid sap then proceeded to repeat exactly what he had told her in Los Angeles: he wanted them just to be friends, albeit Friends With Benefits (to him).‘I can’t commit to a relationship with you,’ he droned. I just want you and I to be happy again and start having a laugh.’Let’s face it this was never likely and once again Binky was left to trudge away, crushed and humiliated.

Sam is the prospective son- in- law from hell. Finally, Sam was more unbearably excited than ever about his relationship with Lucy Watson’s sister.‘I want to meet the family and Papa Watson!’ he exclaimed. I think I’m at that stage!’They had ‘moved on’ from the unfortunate incident when his girlfriend had been sent photos of him snogging a girl in Raffles, which Sam went on about so eagerly he seemed to think it was a good thing.

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